Anxiety

Another Unknown

It’s starting to look like I’m a “once every 6 months” type of gal when it comes to writing. *sigh*  I wish it weren’t this way.  I wish every time I had all of these thoughts up in my head I could just sit in a quiet spot and let it all out.  But then there’s real life.

Since my last post in June, again an enormous amount of life has happened.  If you remember I was expecting and about to move.  Both of those things finally happened.  We have since settled in to our new home.  We then welcomed our beautiful baby girl into our family and so much of life has changed….yet again.  While both of these major life events have brought a tremendous amount of joy it has been a tough road as well.

In the weeks leading up to the birth of our little girl, I was feeling so incredibly anxious. I just kept thinking, “Once she’s here, it’ll be better.”  I could never really pinpoint why my anxiety was over taking me.  Now, I see.  I see that it was knowing that at the end of the hospital stay I would be going back to our home… away from home.  The place I had called home for 24 years.  Where my family was just a few minutes drive away.

I knew that nobody would be able to just drop by to see if we were doing okay postpartum.  I wouldn’t be able to share these rare, sweet moments with family surrounding all three of us.  To be honest, it hurt me.

Why do these things burden my heart so badly?

This is something that will always be a question in my mind.  The only answer I can come up with is: love.

Some say that it’s weird, they simply do not understand because they have not experienced.  I love my family.  I want to be surrounded by family.  It eats at me when I think about my daughter NOT being surrounded by extended family.

It’s not that the people where we are now are bad people.  They are amazing people.  People that I would trust to help raise us raise her.  It’s just not the same.  It never will be.

Here’s to another “unknown” post! I never really know how much or what is on my mind until I begin! Oh what a relief it is..

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