It has been a VERY long time since I have posted. Almost six months exactly. I finally decided to give it a go again. A LOT has changed since my last post. I would love to share, so I will.
My last post, the obnoxious rant, I had no idea what was about to change in my life. Well, okay, I kind of had an idea but wasn’t absolutely certain just yet! Shortly after the first of the year, my husband and I decided (after lots of prayer, and discussion) that we were so ready to be parents. By the end of January we finally had an answer– God said, “okay!” After several positive home tests I called to make a doctor’s appointment. At 11 weeks pregnant we got to see our little gymnast flipping around for the first time. We were absolutely smitten! We could not contain our excitement! Shortly after this visit the morning sickness hit HARD and I was down for the count. I was absolutely miserable. It finally stopped, for the most part, around month four. Thank you Jesus! Overall, it has been a pretty rough experience for this first time momma! But, I could not be more thrilled that God has chosen me for this specific time. The time came for our second ultrasound and we would finally be finding out if it was a boy or girl. Either way, we had names picked out, we were just so ready to start thinking of our child with his/her own identity. The day came and IT’S A GIRL! Oh my! We were so over the moon after that appointment! Now, here we are just a little past month six. We can both feel her moving around and reacting to our voices. Let me tell ya– she sure does love to hear her daddy’s voice! When he comes home after a week at work she knows who it is, there’s no doubt in my mind!
In the midst of this pregnancy, other life changes have also occurred. We had been planning to move to a town about 45 minutes away from where we currently live, in order for my husband to serve as a full time youth pastor at our church. We were going to move after the school year was over so that I didn’t have to drive an hour to work everyday. Well, that didn’t happen. Instead, my husband and I started to feel somewhat of an odd burden on our hearts.
God was definitely trying to tell us something, but we just couldn’t figure out what it was. This burden prompted several long talks that left me in tears, and him pretty frustrated at me. We both knew what was about to happen, but I definitely didn’t want to admit it. I mean come on, we finally had a good routine down, we knew where we were going to raise this baby. Why? Why should we completely change our plans? Everything was falling into place.
That was it. MY plans were falling into place. What I had failed to be certain of was that MY plans were not HIS plans. By HIS I don’t mean my husband, I mean God’s. This whole time I hadn’t listened. I had prayed, prayed, and prayed some more for our church, our living situation, our students, and that I really was in fact pregnant for so long. So long and hard in fact that I forgot to listen. If I would have stopped to listen earlier, I would have known exactly, without a doubt what God was about to do in our lives. Instead, I was completely taken aback. Totally caught off guard.
“God this isn’t a part of the plan!” I found myself saying way more times than I want to admit. And unfortunately still catch myself thinking occasionally.
Anyways, my husband eventually got another job at another church. It’s an hour and a half away in the opposite direction in which we were going, originally. He loves it! He is still doing what he knows he was called by God to do. I know that God has placed us in this community for a reason. What reason? I have no idea. That scares me to death. But I do know, that every time this has happened to me in the past- when I have gotten knocked down off my high horse- God hasn’t once failed me. I have grown. I have always, at some point, found peace and understanding.
Though it may be hard right now, I know that my Redeemer lives! And that is why I must obey. Simple as that. Through my sadness, excitement, anxiety I have still been called to obey, in whatever way that may be. For now, I am to go to this new community to serve alongside my husband. To bring this baby girl into the world and raise her to know Jesus and obey Him as well.
So for now we are continuing the process of buying our first house! YAY! We will hopefully be moving in the next few weeks. While that has brought it’s own set of worry and anticipation — I have lived within 30 minutes of my parents house where I grew up my entire life! I know the amount of joy that is coming will completely cover all of that. I know that I can always rely on my Solid Rock — Christ alone. It is only by His grace and mercy that I have come to this point today. I have been avoiding this confrontation with myself for quite some time now. I know now that I must choose joy each and every day.
I can only pray that God receives the glory and honor from my life. My hope is that my life is a reflection of His. I’m working on this daily. OBVIOUSLY! I’m not perfect. DUH! But I can keep trying.